……….

I’m tired of letting people down. 

With the amount of shit that I have to do day-to-day, I keep missing random rehearsals, there was a solo in choir that I had to turn down, (I was also the only one who was actually able to do it, it involved singing over an orchestra and there was no one else who could,) my memory is going so I can’t memorize ANYTHING in school, any lyrics for voice lessons, and I’m just so tired and irritable and ugh.

Also, I had an argument with my dad yesterday about my weight and how I feel like it’ll be here forever and I’ll have a heart attack in my thirties. That was wonderful. Sometimes I feel like I DESERVE being treated like shit and getting yelled at in gym class and feeling like crap all the time, because I’m just letting everyone down and am such a terrible person all the time. 

And then I go and sit in my room by myself for an hour, feeling like I SHOULD be crying and not able to because I just don’t have the energy or time to do so, because of all of the crap that I have to take care of. 

It’s getting to the point where whenever I hear someone complaining about how they have nothing to do, I want to punch them in the face. Really hard. 

Then I come on here, because, you know, everything is Zelda and nothing hurts, right? Then I see everyone going like “OMG ILY UR KOALA-TEA” and I say to myself, “Damnit Celine, why do you have to be so freaking shy that you can’t really make friends like that anywhere in life? Are you THAT useless and scared of the freaking world? It’s not even the REAL world. They can’t judge you for your appearance. You’re pathetic.”

And nobody’s reading this so I’ll just shut up now and go feel sorry for myself somewhere else.